I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
