i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
