I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize