Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
