Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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