Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
