She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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