Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
