There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
