its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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