His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize