Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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