How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
