I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Houston, we have a blender
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
