if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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