No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
