Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize