im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
