first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
