why didn't you poke me back
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
