i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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