if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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