Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
