Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
