"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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