Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
