So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
