oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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