I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize