I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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