Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
