Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
