Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
