If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
