doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
