We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
