i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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