pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
