you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
