Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
only if we run a train.
done.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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