low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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