Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
