I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
