rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
