careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
