dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
