I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
