So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
