well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
