Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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