those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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