After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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