I want to make a zoo with you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
