Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
