he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
