Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
