so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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