Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
