I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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