i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
