I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize