Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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