You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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