That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
