Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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