he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize