would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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