Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
