NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
