totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
