His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
