there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
