Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
