Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
