cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
