I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
