why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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