theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i came on her dog
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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