i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
