Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
