I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
