dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
