I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
