now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
