so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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