I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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