Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
