It's Friday. Sex?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
