even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
