I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Fuck appropriateness.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
