She said her name was "party"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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