you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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