my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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