i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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