Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
