I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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