Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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